SILENT TRIGGERS

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY VALETINES DAY and every other Holiday...

Have you ever found your self getting a little agitated, frustrated, short tempered, or Impatient around the holidays? Maybe the Anniversary of someone passing? Or other events? It can even be at the thought of, like me, sharing your self and releasing it to the world??? Triggers can arise at the thought of a bad memory or you feeling bad about a situation, you feel responsible for. Triggers can a rise when someone touches or speaks to you in a certain way, A smell, going back to a place, seeing something, a picture, movie, object, anything really. That is why its puzzling that the very thing that has you responding, sometimes good and sometimes like why did I react that way??? Is the very thing I think people expect you to know but NOOO ONE talks about it. TRIGGERS! This is one of the major reasons I wanted to start this conversation. The big elephant in the room that we are suppose to know. This to me is the biggest challenge in the process of healing. Understanding what triggers you, how and most importantly why you respond and react the way we do? This One thing is why I started this conversation. Because after you are starting to feel better from talking to someone, you now have to go back into the world and show the world this new you. But know body talks about what that looks like. How to do that :transition back into Life with new understanding, new tools, the same people that made you feel whatever it was, but this time get it right, communicate properly, not respond bad, while protecting your peace and possible reverting to old behavior. No one talks about what will arise in that process of getting your life back in balance, reinventing your mind, views and feelings. Today we are. First know that its okay if you don't get it right the first time or third time; even the Disciples were not perfect. Joel Olsteen and my mom Mrs. V can share more of that with you (see clips). Me, I am here to talk straight up no chaser. Because this is important. This one thing that can either allow you to heal or allow you to revert back into your old self. Which isn't a bad thing its about balance, control, knowing when to use which behavior and understanding you. And not feeling like your reacting because you are overwhelmed or otherwise.

No one tells you that as you feel better, now you have to go back into the world with people who, get ready! Hasn't had therapy or even care that you want to change and better yourself. That's the tricky part. Going back into the world, readjusting, using your new tools, your new views, putting that healing into action. Reinserting yourself back into the world with triggers. When it first happened to me, Got triggered, I reacted the same overwhelmed way because its what I knew. Its comfortable or not; but familiar. I felt like the worst person. I felt like I wasn't growing. That Everything, that everybody was saying or trying to make me feel; may be true. I'm crazy, angry, bipolar, Not Enough, whatever. But I realized this is the process. But No one talked about this part of the process. These are the times I had to help myself. Having a little back ground in psychology helped. Maybe, that's why I was able to read in-between the lines and figure it out. Regardless of which I did and I want to help you do the same.

Triggers are tricky, because like I said they can arise from anything. Recognizing them will be your biggest challenge. Know it want always be in that moment. Sometimes it takes me a minute to figure why you got frustrated or shut down, angry how ever you deal. But when I do if I have responded not well to someone. I try own up to my trigger explain it to them so they understand me and not judging me. If its someone you don't want in your inter, a surface explanation still helps. For instance, we will talk about that later, apologize for my actions. Let your person know that I'm not perfect and there are still areas that I'm working on and things that are arising that I have to adjust to. Also, apologizing to myself for feeling and allowing myself that mistake. Then be willing to learn from it, grow from it. Retraining your brain is growing to be the hardest thing you probably ever have done. Getting rid of everything you were taught; well mostly. Somethings you need it. It wasn't right but it was you know what I'm saying... Like everything my mom taught me wasn't right. She didn't even know she wasn't communicating or shutting me down or not acknowledging or making me feel like wtf? I'm not heard or I'm to pretty for a brain; type things people make you feel when they don't understand... understanding other people when wanting to be understood is another subject tooo right? With all that being said lets get to it.

THE HOLIDAYS CAN PUT YOU ON EDGE A LITTLE and it is a silent trigger. (Who knew) As we are just passing Valentines day , Easter, Birthdays we can feel a feeling that comes out of no where. Right that silent, I don't really know what it is; can come out in ways that don't necessarily represent the best version of us. It can also make you feel bad for feeling that way and worst for reacting behind the feeling. What's the feeling? Honestly I don't know. Around valentine, guess its a feeling of being alone, sad, happy, happy for everyone but feeling like when is it your turn? watching everyone get the gifts, upset at your past for not sticking with you. Could be the thought of not being able to tell someone that was important to you that you love them... Right because triggers can also come from being silenced, not being able to express the feelings to whom ever rather that be a lost, happy or mean. That feeling though can come out in self pity, self harm, on the kids, on your spouse, friends, family. Because for one its not something your really trying to express and if you do your still triggered because you acknowledged it right??? Two, you don't know its happening. You feel something. And some times it is Damn if you do damn if you don't. Soooo How do we deal with these little thing that we can't really explain? But its definitely affecting my life???

There are so many embarrassing moments I can share. But I try to give examples of when I was high in PTSD, overwhelmed bc my everything was wrong and when your feeling against the world, alone, just tired, done. This is when you need to breathe and remember theses messages... Know your mistakes don't make you and can possibly be a set up for greatness.

My story first... no filter or correction. here we go lol so sad gotta laugh to keep from crying. Hopefully laughing at the past helps to heal. Soooo we all kinda know what happen on my last gig. Can't fire a Boss not every team will have or believe in a Tom Brady, Kobe Bryant... anyway so after my storm I found myself working at this restaurant kick back spot. But was it all happening again??? like I worked day shift alone me managers bartender. Did all my like I am a amazing person work wise also lol had to. So this girl started same time as me guess they went to hating I mean look at me and I be killing shit people fuk with me so it didn't take no time. they start jumping in my face telling me stay away from there table and sh I checked it like fuk off get out my face, but the B wouldn't stop. then the nasty looking as bartender call her self I don't know. One day mind you I do all my work in day time and yes better them all them... don't get me started these wack ass, nasty looking, no money ass, bottle of the ditch ass, Muth Fuk. ugly had the nerve to tell me she wasn't giving me my check until I did my night work BBBBB mind you its done. I'm bitch I'm not here to please you she like bc I didn't see you.... ooooo it took everything in me I just lost my last from fighting and anybody that's knows me oooooo. I walked away cussed that disgusting looking ass not even on my worst day bitch off. I walked out. the cook then she told me to come back in... I was so mad I could of tossed everything in that b. after that I told the Manger know I'm not a snitch it got back to him so I told him straight I'm not talking to these mutha any more I don't give a fuck if they ask for a napkin they want get it from me... fuk everybody on your staff and ill beat all they... so he was like bet bc they shouldn't be fuking w u... I worked 1 night never again the b kept fuking w me at end of night I told that bitch don't s muth fuck thing to me ever in yo life how if your burning bitch don't ask for water. told her cousin she want some to told them bitch es to run up or stay the fuk from away frm me I walked out... fuk cleaning and that place. So I stopped even looking at them mutha f U know me they start feeling some kinda way India you got a cigar NO. So a few weeks later tha waffle house server turned manager. gonna have the ordastiy to fuk w me behind a dollar beer tap was out I grabbed a bottle that I had already rang in was just asking him about tap not how to serve my table or handle my business. he felt some type of way told me I was being insubornate ninga followed me outside... told me to lets go in office and talk. mutha fuk so I told him he don't have enough power for me to be insubornante and that that position will only get your ass womped feeling inferior will get you knocked the fuck down. He said how about I not put you on the schedule next week. I said how about you not put on that schedule ever in your life or you will... at this same time I rekindle or thought I was rekindling with the man I'm suppose to be with. But he doin g same shit since he upset I just went through that didn't allow him to love me pushed him away on top of all his bs... He decides he wants to punish me by pulling up then blocking me... on top of car accidents hitting a Dear on the Hwy, my daughter away, me & mom not seeing she still can't see how she was playing a huge part in me. wasn't until this blog, theses conversations that she started to see her part... so you see all the triggers, you see how they were trying to use same shit to lure me back so that I wouldn't heal so that I could do this... and it worked at first. then I recognized used it. yeap I felt fuked up because I was allowing them, I wasn't protecting my peace, I was still reacting to my man if fear pushing him away still not able to communicate exactly what I meant, didn't trust him not to still hurt me, still not strong or confident enough to, still hadn't re taught myself so they were able to get at me again. But using my new tools, starting helping myself seeing things for what they were not being afraid to prey to GoD. Finally knowing I deserve everything and more, forgiving, being forgiven, getting my confidence back, seeing in me what GOD Sees... I'm in tears I left this for the end because I knew it would bring out... But look at me Now!!!

Since then he sent us drinks. That was sweet. We went up there to eat. Guess that was his way of saying Sorry. All beefs have worked themselves out and been talked about. everybody's allgood. Mostly. I think. So life is good!!!

According to me right because I am not a preprofessional but I would love it if everyone chimed in especially professionals.

1st step

$* is not allow it to happen!!! Impossible right because most time we don't know its happening. So first step

ACKNOWLEDGMENT ...

Like I said. You may not know why, so give yourself some time and I think its okay to say it out loud. I'm triggered. I don't know why? can you give me a little to figure it out?. Then allow yourself to feel it right? Hear it, sense it. Naturally, allow your mind to wander to where ever that thought takes you. For instance V Day, I think I was frustrated because as much as I know I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Which is lost of my spouse. I don't fell like I deserve this harsh sentence. We both f up & did wrong bs. If he is able to move on. Have a Valentine. Then why can't I??? Why do I have to suffer and he gets to move on? There actions were no better than mine. Even though I got the blame or painted out to be something I'm not. 2. Why? if he's my soul mate? Then why isn't he here fighting for us? Why did everything go so wrong? Was so difficult? Why not now when I'm ready to love? Be loved? when I can be? 3. I don't deserve to be alone. Its not fair. I know that I was given a partner and I'm not suppose to spend Valentine or no other day alone and that some how doesn't seem fair... all these things I would Never say right? I would think angrily. fuk all them they missed out. They some punk azz. Why that mitch azz ninga get to? Why did I have to go through? It comes out in every other thought. But if you get unafraid to tell your self the truth. Then you can start to recognize why you truly are triggered. Even if it goes back to childhood. Write down the first thing that comes to mind good bad or ugly. Sit with it, allow it to come to you freely, no pressure. Don't make it up. Don't blame. Because you can go back, look at it and start to process...

2nd step APOLOGIZE

People can't read your mind, and what is coming off you isn't...

Now that your being honest with yourself. Apologize for your lack of concern for others when you get scared. Hurting or yelling at the kids, who ever, the thought or feeling made you act. APOLOGIZE... I told my daughter." I apologize I think I'm triggered. I don't know why? As much as I'm trying to move on I think god telling me to reach out to the person triggered me and I think I'm a little frustrated. I apologize if I been a little B. I'm a try and not let this bother me or try to think about it in another light, different perspective. I have you, I thank you for growing through everything with me and not giving up on me". (not only did I apologize I replaced the hurt and gave her what I didn't)

Step 3. WHY???

What triggered you and why???

(2-3 depends on how deep. apologize if it will take some time because it might. )

Now Figure it out. What triggered you?

step 4 PROCESS IT.

Do you need to remember good in that situation? Do you need to see it from other person perspective? Maybe talk to them and get clarification of events. Some times our young brain and old memory can recall events different or wrong. or right

Its so funny every time my brother tell stories. Like my mom made me do this. She walks in the room. Catches them and be Like "Boy stop lying on me". But that's how they recall event or way they told story so they believe it.

Do you need to forgive? go have a talk with that little person?? Protect them? you now? its okay. Do you need to forgive your self? Do you need to give your self permission for that action? I was young it was ok. or you did the best you could as a mother, child, whatever.

Do you need to learn from it? grow from it? grieve it? finally let it go

Let me tell you a story of me remembering something as a child and the story wasn't quite what I remembered. So when I was a child I got sick. I didn't want to go to school, I didn't feel good. My mom had to do something and had someone there she necessarily didn't want me to stay home with or probably would of stayed home alone. We had a movie party as they put candy, popcorn, chips on my desk. I threw up everything, all over it. My brother, as mean as he was to me back then was in my class, thank God. He walked me to the nurse. They take my temperature. I'm burning up like 101 and rising, I'm shaking. They are asking me like are you cold. I'm like No. My temperature was so high. It was causing me to shiver. finally my mom got there it took a minute. She takes me to our normal doctor. I'm sleep the whole time. like I'm so tired I physically could wake up. Only to like get water or walk to car. There like rush her to hospital now. (tears. I'm such a cry baby). I guess my lungs had collapsed and I was... So I remember waking up in the bed in E.R. and mom my laying next to me and saying I'm getting ill be don't in minute. She worked there so everybody knew me so I just thought they were keeping me company while she finished. A couple years ago, we were traveling into San Diego Going pass the Hospital. So I'm telling girls story of how she worked there and this story. My Mom said Girl that's not what happened lol. I said what ? yes, it is. That's what I remember. All that was right. But she wasn't laying in bed because of she had something going on. She said, she said "if my daughter is going, take me to or something" and fainted or something. lmao all this time, I been telling sorry so calm and who knew! so you see your young mind innocent as it is, can. I never knew I almost Died. If she never heard me tell my story, I would have never known her version of story or the seriousness of situation.

Step 5.

DO BETTER, BUT DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR GROWING, MAKING MISTAKES, REVERTING BACK TO OLD BEHAVIORS.

BUT DO NOT STAY THERE EITHER. IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE ACKNOWLEDGE IT. TEACH YOURSELF FROM IT.

GO SEE YOUR THERAPIST (WHOM EVER THAT MAY BE, PASTOR, ETC.).

JUST BECAUSE YOUR HEALED -ING DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T NEED A TUNE UP. TO CHECK IN. AND ALLOW THEM IN AND TO HELP WITH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS. SO YOU REMAIN FEELING BALANCED. LIFE CAN COME AND COME HARD AT DIFFERENT AND ALL TIMES. UNDERSTAND THAT. USE IT. USE YOUR RESOUCES. I TRY AND GO EVERY YEAR AROUND MY BIRTHDAY SO JUST IN CASE IM FEELING OR HAVE HAD A TUFF YEAR OR WHATEVER. I CAN GET BACK RIGHT.

fINALLY!!! LOVING AND LIVING LIFE!!! jealous...

KEEP EVERYTHING, HAVE EVRYTHING YOU WANT, BE HAPPY YOU AND THE FAMILY

What can I do to not only allow it happen again but heal from it. Learn from it. USE IT. NOT RESPOND SAME WAY

SEE YOU ARE GROWING SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO HEAR IT & UNDERSTAND IT FROM A DIFFERENT PERSECTIVE

$$$*** A silent trigger I wanted to point out is talking about your past. Getting to know someone new or bringing it up in random conversation. All of sudden your agitated, scared or pushing them away and have no Ideal why??? You jus went deep. Brought up a lot of hurt, pain, good, bad, & ugly. So singles and relationships, know when you bring up your past, even if your telling your story, you can accidently trigger yourself.

I think next time I'm in a relationship I'm going to say" I'm going to tell you. but I need for you to know that when I do it may bring up unwanted feelings in me. as much as I want to get to know you and think its important you know some of my past. that I may start to push you away. expecting you to be the same person to me or can I have a few days to deal with the emotions that are going to arise from the conversation"... (wow!! look at that growth, maybe soon ill be celebrating a anniversary. That was a silent trigger for me. Getting to one year in a relationship. Now I look forward to be able to celebrate. Not only year 1 but year 25... So when you hear me say its my anniversary!!! that means I have overcome a fear. Something that use to trigger me to push my men away, far away... I don't think I will ever plan me turning a significant age, coming up on one year Anniversary, my only child graduating (Loneliness syndrome), going to school, starting new career, plus plus all at once ever again. It was a recipe for the perfect storm and that it did. But in that storm, I found my strength. Like Elsa Said" the Snow never bother me anyway"... (the Rain never bothered me anyway.) Think I might hold off until I get to know they are serious. (Marriage). Because people try to hurt you with your past. I have to trust, you love me for me and are here for the ride, good, bad, & ugly.

What was Chyna Trigger? Let's practice Recognizing, Reacting, & Communication

I put this clip up of Chyna because having to go in front of the world, expose herself. Not knowing if things where going to go left with (P Body) Wendy defiantly had her feeling some type of way. This silent trigger is present a lot and we know some of us out here be looking like Chyna. I can identify with this and recognized this was a silent trigger because when doing this blog, I'm putting my everything out to the world. I can defiantly feel a little triggered before I announced it or put it out. I don't think she recognized it and didn't apologize for it. Although her team azz, should not have been falling apart under pressure. looking like wt do I do they definitely should of jumped into action. But lets use this as a teaching moment what could have Chyna and Her team Have done better.

I told you her trigger or so I think don't leave out being a mom, traveling, everything else going on in life. But the stress and anxiety of having to be on time, make sure you catch the flight, not your normal routine, the cost paying for it all, making sure everybody else is on point! headache thinking about it.

What about the communication could have been better to help the situation not only get back to positive and productive everybody feeling like Go team but had a successful outcome look, experience? What could we have done in this stressful situation???

1st Best friend, calmest person -being she was making some kind should of called her on her trigger and told her to breathe. let her know she's safe, she's going to be okay, you already look amazing just let us show that to the world. Understand her pressure if you can. If you can't recognize yours then that may be difficult. bc just like them you take offense now everybody offended no ones thinking or putting things back into perspective. But other people love telling other people what's wrong with them. Know that when you are doing that you are truly calling out there fears. It doesn't help calling me overwhelmed if your not helping me or getting me help for it. Being mean can go both ways. Being a blessing is rare.

2nd After not knowing. Then acknowledging trigger. Communicate it so everyone sees the frustration but understand it. So instead of going into panic mode with her, they could of jumped into captain save a mode.

3rd. treasure could of stepped in and start delegating task. As much time as she yelled her hair could of getting re-braided and makeup re-applied to some extent. They should of brought her back to life . By responding proactive to her trigger.

$$$*** Talking about the prefect storm let me preach to you for a minute... because my storm let me tell you bae baby... that storm broke me down, but also rebuild me. Sometimes that storm isn't a storm. Sometimes God is using that storm to move you. Everything that seems bad may be an illusion, a trick, it maybe a set up for you blessing, your destiny. See, what happens is. When they can't use people, your past, your Job, Your man, to stop your dreams, your destiny. It will wear you down... tire you out. Or if it did stop you in the past. They use those same tricks to stop you again. But know that strength God put in you. (AMEN)...

I Got so upset with my daughter for drinking all this water. I kicked the water bottle. I felt wrong, sad, confused, why am I so angry. YEEes, God was starting to move me. It turns out it wasn't a bad thing it was a clue. Water, thirst one of main things to know you have diabetes.

I lost everything, I thought, who knew God was setting me up. Yeah my man, but I have a healthy child. My man, just because things don't seem, I don't know what God has in store for me. But I do know he forgives me and will not punish his child for making a mistake; a mistake he knew I would make. A mistake that would push me into my destiny... If I wouldn't have went Through all that. (def could of handled it better, had better outcome but God's plan) Then I wouldn't know how to help or what to say. I may have fuk up, fumbled but look how many amazing people I get to possibly give a new Light... My story is just beginning. My story is still being written. As I Go though my Journey with you all. God got us. We are doing Amazingly well Thank You. Don't let me get started. Don't let that storm trick you. Let that dream carry you when you can't carry yourself (Tyler Perry). Learn to use your village. I can trust my daughter with my every thought w me. No its not okay to put all my stuff on her. But when I do I try to use it as a teaching moment, but I do allow her to hug me and fill me with the love, the words, the encouragement that I need. I look to her child like behavior, her youthfulness as a reminder. Like Joel Osteen said your child doesn't ask how? they ask when? they have unconditional trust in me! like we have to have in him... I know that to be true and can speak from experience. 1 Year !!Joel can say it better. That season was designed to do damage, throw you off your path, Keep you from your destiny but you can come out victorious. It didn't destroy you, it build you. The pieces that flew off or rearranged needed to be replaced. So that structure can be at its best... maybe you didn't want to replace it or you had to resurface it because it look done. But new polish, some love brought it back to life. But its new & renewed, better and more than you ever imagined!!! now like Joel says get IN Agreement with GOD. Not our humanly ways. That can keep you where you are. Get god Vision see what he sees in you, us.